Podcasts have become my favorite way to pass the time when I fight the tourist traffic to get home at the end of my work day.  Today I listed to Amy Grant being interviewed on Jen Hatmaker’s podcast called, “For the Love of…”  There was this moment in the podcast where Amy made a statement that deeply resonated with my spirit. In fact it was basically quoting what the Lord had spoken to me just a few weeks ago. I sometimes struggle with fear for my children in the aftermath of my divorce. I wept that I indeed had heard from God, as her words confirmed exactly what I sensed Him telling me. It was also in that moment that I realized I have “grown up” as a Christian with Amy Grant by my side, and how special she is to me, even though we have never met in person.  She shows up and intersects my life, and is like a well-worn blanket to my soul.

My first in person encounter with Amy was in 1984. I was a single young woman, searching for real love. I was in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend, had a great career, drove a fast silver RX7, but inside knew something was missing in my life. My good friend from work asked me to go to Amy’s Straight Ahead tour at the Omaha Orpheum theatre. Michael W. Smith was the opening act, another great Christian singer that would impact my life. “Angels” was the toe-tapping hit from that night and certainly described what God was doing in my life at the time without me knowing it, protecting me, keeping me from harm, in the midst of living without Him…

Angels watching over me, every step I take, angels watching over me

Though I never see with human eyes the hands that lead me home.

But I know they’re all around me all day and through the night.

Angels watching over me, every move I make, angels watching over me…

Fast forward a few years and I’m traveling with my husband Mike for our first married Christmas to spend it with his parents in Tennessee. My parents drove up and joined us for that Christmas, and my brother Ty and his girlfriend Terri stopped in for a few days so we could meet her. The joy of being all together was represented in Amy’s most famous Christmas song of that era, “Tender Tennessee Christmas.”

Another tender Tennessee Christmas, is the only Christmas for me.

While the love gathers around us, like the gifts beneath the tree.

Well I know there’s more snow, up in Colorado, than my roof will ever see,

But a tender Tennessee Christmas, is the only Christmas for me.

The memories from that Christmas fill my heart with an abundance of warmth; homemade biscuits and gravy for breakfast around the Darr’s country kitchen table, singing songs with brother-in-law Tim on his organ at the local pizza joint, so much laughter at my brother-in-law Dick’s house in Nashville. Ty and Terri left us to travel up to West Virginia to her parents, where he asked for her hand in marriage. Five months later they were married, and the next year our first babies were born six weeks apart. I smile thinking of how beautiful life was back then with our parents all healthy and our families growing. Indeed that tender Tennessee Christmas stands out as such a special one, just like Amy said.

The early 90’s brought Amy’s move into mainstream pop, causing such a stir in Christian circles. How could she stray from her roots of God-centered lyrics? But Mike and I kept following her music, realizing that this did not define her walk with God, and actually served as a way to draw more “unbelievers” to her Christian music. I remember her adorable music video to “Baby, Baby,” with her hip black hat and fun dance moves. We went to her Heart in Motion concert in a huge packed out auditorium. I remember that night being a mix of her Christian and “secular” music, and I left knowing that Amy Grant definitely still loved Jesus.  Amy actually wrote these lyrics inspired by the love she had for her new baby daughter Millie. As a young mom at the time myself, my mother’s heart resonated with hers…

Baby, baby I’m taken with the notion

To love you with the sweetest of devotion

Baby, baby my tender love will flow from

The bluest sky to the deepest ocean

Stop for a minute, baby I’m so glad you’re mine!

The mid 90’s found us living in Dallas for a short five months that included December.  We went through some extremely painful disappointments in ministry that year. To help put us in the Christmas spirit, we went to Amy Grant’s concert with our dear friends Mike and Marilyn. By this time Amy had released her second Christmas album which included the new song “Breath of Heaven.”  I remember listening to the words while Amy sang the haunting lyrics from Mary’s perspective.  Mary didn’t understand her life fully, but she was calling out to her God for comfort and direction, as I knew I needed to do in my time of great confusion with the church.

I am waiting in a silent prayer, I am frightened by the load I bear

In a world as cold as stone, Must I walk this path alone?

Be with me now, be with me now…

Breath of heaven, hold me together, be forever near me, breath of heaven

Breath of heaven, lighten my darkness, pour over me your holiness, for you are holy, breath of heaven…

Over ten years would pass before I would see Amy again. By this time she had endured a very public divorce, a controversial second marriage to Vince Gill, and pretty much had disappeared from the public eye. A group of us went to Carpenter’s Church in Lakeland, Florida for the live recording of Michael W. Smith’s new album, simply called Worship. It was the night of my 43^rd birthday and I remember thinking it was the most incredible gift to spend it worshiping with Michael W. Smith leading from the piano.  But the most powerful moment came when the music stopped, and he introduced members of his “back up choir” who had been invited to join him that night for the recording. He said  that one of his longest and closest friends was there that night and would we please welcome her, Amy Grant. My eyes filled with tears as the loud applause welcomed her. I remember thinking, “This is the way we are supposed to respond to people who have gone through brokenness.”

A few years later, my husband and I would go to a church in Orlando and watch Amy on acoustic guitar play to our audience of 100’s, not 1,000’s. I thought it must be humbling to now be in such a small venue, having filled stadiums earlier in her career. But the night was a gift of intimate moments with Amy, without the bright lights and the back-up singers.  She took us full circle to that song that started it all…

When people look inside my life, I want to hear them say,

She’s got her Father’s eyes, her Father’s eyes

Eyes that find the good in things, when good is not around

Eyes that find the source of help, when help just can’t be found

Eyes full of compassion, seeing every pain

Knowing what you’re going through, and feeling it the same

Just like my Father’s eyes, my Father’s eyes, my Father’s eyes, Just like my Father’s eyes.

It was on a solo road trip in 2015 from Orlando to Myrtle Beach that Amy spoke into my life again. I was driving up to spend a few days alone at my friend Debie’s condo on the ocean. It had been a long day of driving and it was now dark. I put on Amy’s Simple Things album and listened intently to these words…

After the fire is over, after the ashes cool,

After the smoke is blown away, I will be here for you.

After the stillness find you, after the winds of change,

All that is good and true between us; this will remain the same.

As tears streamed down my face I told God I wanted to believe this for my marriage. I knew things were derailing, I knew there were things I probably didn’t even know were happening, but I wanted to believe we would survive this fire we were in. It was just me, God, and Amy’s lyrics. I felt that God led me to this song at this specific moment in my imploding life.

Sadly the fire did destroy the marriage. I’ve now been single for over three years. I’m doing well, really well the great majority of the time. My concerns are rarely for me, but as I mentioned earlier, usually for my children. You worry about all the angry words they heard, the damage divorce brings, the lack of a good marriage model for them to follow.

Which brings me to yesterday and this single sentence that Amy spoke on the podcast, based on something a good friend had told her when she was struggling with these same thoughts for her children…

Why don’t you trust that every hard lesson coming to your children, why don’t you trust that all of these hard things are bringing about a very unique toolkit that will be essential for each one of your children for the adventure of their life.

Profound. Comforting. Hopeful. Flipping the perspective.

Once again Amy, thank you.