It has descended upon us, as it does every year, this time of the year we lovingly refer to as “the holidays.”  I sent my annual card and letter out early this year.  Mostly so that my friends and family have my new address if they decide to return the holiday cheer with their annual greeting via the mail. My dad informed me recently that he doesn’t particularly enjoy annual Christmas letters, except for my cousin’s wife—who is extremely witty, so much so that she writes a TWO page letter that he reads in full. Apparently he judges a letter by the humor, which I typically don’t have a great deal of in my annual letter!  Mine is more of the “state of the union” kind of letter, including the highs and the sometimes lows.  I started the tradition of sending a letter at the holidays the first year we were married in 1985, and I haven’t missed a year since.  Some day when I’m gone my grandchildren can get out my Christmas scrapbooks and piece together my entire adult story from my annual letters. I like that I’m leaving them this little historical timeline.

Our Family Holiday Scrapbook, Volume III.

At the moment I’m sitting in the Kansas City airport, having celebrated Thanksgiving and an early Christmas with my children and grandchildren.  We gathered at my oldest son’s house because he is the only one with children, and it’s much easier for us to travel to them, than for them to travel to us. It was a wonderful visit for all of us, and so much fun to be with my two year old and newborn grandsons. I love watching their aunt and uncles interact with them. My son’s wife was so gracious to host us all, because we can be quite the handful! I’m grateful for my grown children that are now each other’s closest friends. I’m grateful that we are still making new memories together.

Early Christmas with my new grandson.

But in the midst of continuing some traditions and making adaptions to others, I am very cognizant of the fact that I have friends facing that first hard holiday season without someone they have loved. I have multiple friends who have a spouse that has “peaced-out” on their marriage. I have friends that have buried a loved one this past year, some very suddenly. I have friends with grown children that chose not to spend any of the holidays with them this year.  To these friends I want to say I am sorry you are having to face this Christmas without these people that have been such a big part of your life. I remember the first Christmas without my mother, the woman whose love language was “gift giving.” Christmas was her favorite holiday, and that first one without her I just wanted to sleep through it and wake up on December 26^th.  I remember the first Christmas as a newly divorced woman. The kids and I traveled to Nebraska that Christmas to be with my nieces and nephews who had lost both their parents that summer. I felt like it was all a very bad dream that Christmas, but sadly it wasn’t. We muddled through it and even had some therapeutic laughs about how insanely horrible 2015 had been. I don’t have any magic words on how to get through the holidays.  But it reminds me of the children’s book “Bear Hunt” that I was reading with my grandson yesterday.  The book keeps repeating this phrase when the family comes up against an obstacle, “You can’t go under it, you can’t go over it…”  So you just have to go through it.

I have been away from my home the past four Christmases with the goal of spending them with as many of my family members as possible. I’ve woken up in some nice hotels, and a not-so-nice Air BnB. Oh that sad little Air BnB near downtown Omaha… The kids and I rented it so that we could all be together in Omaha that horrible Christmas of 2015. I remember the first night we settled into the house, sending the boys out to get groceries, and sitting on the couch with my daughters having ourselves a good pity cry in the sterile and chilly living room. This wasn’t what Christmas was supposed to look like. But the next morning we were blessed with a beautiful snowfall that took us outside to make snow angels and a snowman. It was a gift from God that brought beauty and joy into our sadness.

A Nebraska Snowman…

Christmas morning I went outside and found a “Charlie Brown” branch and erected a makeshift Christmas tree for our little gift exchange. Amidst some big lows and nice highs, we traversed through the most difficult of Christmases.

Our Charlie Brown Christmas Tree…

This Christmas I am looking forward to waking up in my own place. Even though I won’t have all of my family with me, I’m hoping it will be a bit more comforting to start the holiday this way. I will forever miss those great Christmases where the four kids came bursting into our room before daylight, shouting about it being time to open presents. How does this most wonderful time of the year, also cause so much pain, as we long for holidays past?

So as we turn the calendar to December, may I encourage you to be mindful of those who are hurting this year. Offer to help them decorate their place so they don’t have to do it alone. Invite them to a special Christmas event, just to be out with people enjoying some holiday spirit. Perhaps set an extra place at the table for them. Even a text or phone call letting them know you are thinking of them during this first difficult holiday can be so comforting. And if you are one that is hurting, please know that you are not alone. That child in a manger was God’s beautiful gift to us, the most important Christmas gift of all. Jesus, Immanuel, “God with us,” even in the hardest of times.