When the calendar turns to June in a few days, there will be a convergence of two major events in my life.  I turn 60 on June 2^nd, and a few days later, my youngest child will be leaving home for good.  I’m really fine with turning 60, though this decade milestone seems a bit more monumental than 50 did. But I’m a firm believer that age is a state of mind.  (Just ask my 86 year old father who still travels the world with his 88 year old wife.)  However I have mixed emotions about my baby leaving the nest.  I remember when I got pregnant at 38, her dad and I joked that at her graduation we may be mistaken for her grandparents. Thankfully that didn’t happen earlier this month at her college commencement.  But the time has come for her to launch out into the world on her own, just like her three brothers have before her.

For the last 12 years I’ve had at least one child in college.  Six degrees later (Drew racked up three in those 12 years) I’ve proudly watched them each cross the stage. So in this month of graduation celebrations, here are some of my fond reflections and lessons learned.

We were pretty green when our oldest started the college search process.  I remember taking him to a “college night” at our local community college.  It was overwhelming the number of schools represented.  But tucked in a little room were the Florida “Christian” colleges and a young representative from Palm Beach Atlantic University walked up to Drew, shook his hand, and proceeded to chat with him about his college for the balance of the evening.  We knew that Drew had found a fit and made plans for a visit to West Palm to see the campus.  The lesson to this story—those college career nights are a great way to get an introduction to many, many options in one event.  And start your college research early—sophomore year is not too soon.

Our second son was a totally different child than our first and wanted the big University experience.  The draw of going to a Division I school with a great football program spoke volumes to our athletic child.  So off to Tallahassee we went for a Florida State visit. We knew this was a great fit for Spencer.  We moved him into his dorm literally in the middle of a tropical storm, but laughed about it later that night over pizza with all the other families from our hometown who were dropping off their children. The lesson to this story—let your children each find the right fit for what they are looking for in a college.  One size does not fit all.

When our third son pursued the rival school to Spencer’s, the University of Florida, we knew this would make for a fun “house divided”. Cameron had a tight knit circle of friends during high school, and all but one ended up at UF. This made for a great continuation of these friendships, in addition to building new ones.  The admissions bar is set very high at many of the top Florida public universities, and probably the highest at the University of Florida.  Cameron received a deferred acceptance for second semester when he applied.  He didn’t mind waiting a semester to go to the school he really wanted.  The lesson to this story—if your child is going to pursue a “top tier” school, make sure they start early in building that well rounded resume and strong transcript.

By the time Ali was ready to make a college decision she had the advantage of having been on many college visits to see her brothers.  She decided to re-visit Drew’s alma mater, as she was still in middle school when he graduated from PBA.  Now returning as a prospective student, she took in the campus in a different light and knew without a doubt it’s where she wanted to go.  She auditioned for the dance program and waited to see if she would receive enough scholarship money to make it affordable.  Thankfully she did, and she would tell you it was the best four years of her life thus far. The lesson regarding private schools is this—don’t get scared away with “sticker shock” over the published annual tuition.  Most private schools have more scholarship funds to give than public schools, and their scholarships can come from multiple sources.

 

Here are a few other observations and tips that may help some of you that are new to this…

• The FAFSA is not hard to complete. This is that annual federal government document that determines how much financial aid your child can qualify for.  You literally just pull numbers off of your income tax return and plug them in. But be sure to write down your logins and PINs to make it easier from year to year.  Even if you don’t think you’ll qualify, it doesn’t hurt to complete it.

 

• I highly recommend having your college student work part time while in college. It gives them some “skin in the game” so to speak. My children worked a variety of jobs both on campus and off campus. I also think working some of those jobs made them realize the value of their education.  (Translation—I don’t want to flip pizzas for the rest of my life.)  Also it gives them less free time, and there is something to be said for not having too much free time in college.

 

• If it’s affordable, and available, have your child do a study abroad experience and/or a mission trip. Drew and Ali were both able to study abroad while at Palm Beach Atlantic because their scholarship money followed them overseas.  Drew’s semester at Oxford set the course for him to eventually get his doctorate in English Literature with an emphasis in Renaissance literature.  Ali’s semester in Italy has influenced her to pursue international dance opportunities. Short term mission trips are also a great way to expose your child to the needs of other countries and broaden their world perspective.

 

• Don’t sweat the major your child chooses. Embrace their interests and their dreams.  I ended up with a Theatre major, an English major, a History major and a Dance major.  To me the undergraduate degree is about proving to the world you are a learner and a finisher of what you start.  All of my children have a strong work ethic and some have been given job offers that didn’t necessarily line up with their degree.

 

• Don’t stress if the degree takes longer than originally planned. One of my sons asked to take a semester off and I panicked and told him he shouldn’t and/or couldn’t.  I wish I would have listened to him.  Another son told me after the fact that he took a semester off, and it was exactly what he needed. I balance this with saying when there are hard stretches, you still must encourage your children to press on.  When we were going through a great deal of family turmoil my child wanted to drop out of college, but I knew that would not be a good solution. Pray for wisdom in each situation.

This trip down college memory lane makes me realize what a huge chunk of my parenting years has been spent in this season.  From moving each of them into their first dorm room, to attending Seminole and Gator football games, to seeing them on stage in their drama and dance performances, it has been such a joyful part of parenting.

Now I’ll just keep my nest available always for their return visits.  It’s been officially named “Nini’s House” by my first grandchild Parker.  How beautiful that when one season ends, it overlaps with an equally beautiful new one.