In this holiest of weeks in the Christian calendar, it seems like God always brings me into a deep place of reflecting on the reality of His presence in my life.  I started out 2018 with intention to make it my “Year of Jubilee”.  I was reminded of the word “jubilee” while listening on a Christmas road trip to a Ron Kenoly song from the 90’s…

This is the season of Jubilee

Singing and dancing for you and me

Thanking and praising because we’re free

Oh this is the year of Jubilee

Everything that was stolen shall be returned unto me

Singing dancing praising shouting increase and victory!

So on New Year’s Eve I created a vision board and wrote on the top, “The Year of Julie’s Jubilee.”  Then I wrote a definition of the word I had found on the bottom, “Liberty, Restitution, Simple Living.”  I proceeded to add items to the board that I felt God leading me to include in my year of jubilee.  Some are practical, like going to the gym two to three times a week and financial goals, but most are relational in some way.

 

When I turned the calendar on 2018 I knew I would be turning 60 this year. For me that seemed like a milestone that was worthy of being intentional in celebrating.  In February I went snow skiing for the first time in over 20 years with my sons Spencer and Cameron in Colorado. For us to be together up in God’s beautiful creation was so incredibly life giving.  My brother and I had grown up skiing these slopes, and it was significant to be back on them, sensing the joy that would bring his heart.

Earlier this week I went with my grandson to introduce him to the beautiful ocean for the first time.  To see the wonderment in his little face as the waves lapped up on his feet was a moment I will never forget.

This past Sunday my daughter presented her Senior Dance Project Concert based on the book of Job in the Bible. In her concert program she wrote…

Job’s story mimics many of the trials and questions and revelations I’ve had during the last three years.  Job is a book of life, loss, surrender and redemption.  I’ve told my dancers that in the darkest of times, I’ve felt the closest to God. I hope today’s audience encounters that same closeness through our movement.

The 40 minutes of her choreography and dance that followed were an incredible rendering of Job’s story, but really each of our stories.  We will all face “Job-like” chaos in our life at some point if we live long enough.  My daughter’s sophomore year was wrecked with loss, but as she danced Sunday, I was overwhelmed with gratitude as a mother.  He didn’t let her pain go to waste.  He took it and used it to draw her into her sanctuary of the dance studio, where He would meet with her as she cried and danced out her pain.  Then He allowed her to take those experiences and weave them into this powerful movement that we witnessed on Sunday.  Liberty and restitution was all over that stage and filled that theater.

It’s in these mountain-top moments, I also remember the valleys I’ve walked through. I’ve had many days in the past three years where the pain was so deep I’ve screamed at God until I was hoarse. At times I’ve doubted the existence of a loving God. I’ve had phone calls from my children that left me feeling helpless as a mother with no way to take away their pain. I’ve had times with my brother’s children that wrecked my heart knowing they no longer had their parents on earth.  Some days are still valley days, but the overriding trajectory of all our lives, mine, my children, my nieces and nephews, has been towards restitution and liberty.  I share this to give those of you sitting in your own ash-heap some hope. There IS hope for your year of jubilee. I can’t tell you how long it will take to arrive and I don’t know what it will look like. But I think there is a sense of knowing when you need to stop reflecting on the past, and move towards a new future. For me, 2018 is that year.

I don’t take lightly the valley that Christ endured on the road to the cross… betrayal, false accusations, brutal beatings and horrific suffering until his death. But this Easter I will celebrate with joy what His resurrection provided for me and my loved ones… a way to climb out of the valley, and back to the mountain top, singing and dancing because we’re free!