So I had never heard of the concept of a “golden birthday” until I had a daughter. Girls are definitely more attune to find reasons to take an ordinary birthday and make it un-ordinary. So when Ali was 16 we celebrated her GOLDEN birthday because she was born on August 16^th. Which means I was totally ripped off, because being born on June 2^nd, means I was 2 and clueless when it was my golden birthday. (Plus the fact that I’m sure this special little tradition didn’t exist back in 1960.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So with that said, I’ve decided to proclaim my 58^th birthday my PLATINUM birthday, because I was born in 1958! Why platinum you say? Well all my fellow dance moms out there KNOW that a Platinum award is much higher than a Gold award when it comes to dance competitions. (Maybe I should make this my double elite high platinum birthday?! Again—dance mom joke!)

But before I layout the wishes and hopes I have for my Platinum year, let me first bid farewell to a year that by far has been the most challenging of my life. I don’t want to make light of what these past 12 months have taught me. Rather, I would love nothing more than for some of you to tuck away one or two nuggets of insight that could help you down the road. So here’s some of what I’ve learned.

Lesson One—If you ask God to reveal the truth, He will, in His timing. And knowing the truth of a situation is truly better than the alternative of living in denial and/or suspicion. When I welcomed “57” one year ago, I knew my marriage was already in jeopardy. I just didn’t have all the facts to know how much jeopardy it was in. My desperate prayer was to know the truth. I asked our counselor, “What’s the point of working on making my marriage better if I don’t know the truth?” He wisely said, “Julie, one of two things will happen. Your marriage will get stronger, or the truth will be revealed.” That is exactly what happened, and even though it wasn’t the outcome I wanted, it allowed me to know what I had to do.

Lesson Two—When tragedy strikes, you reap what you have sown into your friendships. Just like Jesus had his 12 disciples, I have had a similar number of close friends that have walked through the valley with me this year of my divorce and brother and sister-in-law’s untimely death. What’s crazy is some of them I’ve known since birth (literally), and one of them is a new friend that came into my life just in the past year. I explain this amazing group of friends like a patchwork quilt. They each are made of a unique fabric with it’s own design. Some of them are just great listeners, they let me vent on the ugly days, and don’t judge me for it. Another is my spiritual mentor—she doesn’t let me stray from the Truth, and challenges me to look at things through eyes of grace. Then I have a few “let’s get it done” friends. Amazing—arranging for flights, paying for house renovations, housing my family back home… Oh how I’ve needed those “Martha” friends this year! And then there are the friends that are the worn fabric of the quilt, the friends that remember my brother when we were all growing up together.  I had childhood friends, sorority sisters and my children’s babysitter, drive from out of state to be with me at the memorial service. I’ve had countless hard days when I didn’t know how I was going to muster the strength to go to work, and then I get a text from a friend making sure I’m OK. What’s amazing to me is I don’t understand how I deserved such friends. But it’s obvious I had made investments without even realizing I was doing it, because I reaped an overflowing bounty of friendship love this year.

Lesson Three—Life is not “up and to the right”, even when you are a follower of Christ. Somehow in our Western thinking we’ve come to believe that if I am a good person, and especially if I’m a good Christian, life should pretty much be moving in a positive direction at most times. I know I didn’t profess that out loud, but if I was totally honest with myself, it’s what I expected out of life. Yes there was the downward turn when I lost my mom to cancer in 2002. Yes there were a few challenging parenting situations, a few job disappointments. But overall it was “up and to the right”! Until this year… And now I REALLY know why the book of Job is in the Bible. Now I understand that God isn’t about making our life “pain free” but rather being there to help us THROUGH the pain. I love all the lyrics from “With You Now” by Ellie Holcomb, but especially these…

When you sing your sad song, I will learn the words and sing along.

And when you’re in the valley we will find the river winding through, I’ll hold onto you.

I’ve learned there is some pain that just cannot be erased. You can’t keep people you love from making wrong choices, you can’t rewind time and keep senseless accidents from happening, and you can’t wave a magic wand and take away the pain from a grieving niece or a despairing daughter. But you learn that you lean hard into the truth that God has NOT forgotten you and your loved ones. He does see every tear and He desperately wants to redeem the messes and the mistakes and make us more whole than we were before. But we must keep our focus on Him, and keep putting one foot in front of the other each day, even on those days when it takes all we can just to get out of bed.

Lesson Four—Sometimes church needs to take on a non-traditional form. Having been married to a music pastor most of my 30 year marriage, church has always been a big part of our family life. Back in our Assembly of God days we even went twice on Sundays, with three little boys in tow! But this year, I just couldn’t do traditional church. It honestly hurt too much to walk into that service and see the families, and feel so alone as a single woman, and hear the sermons about what it takes to build a strong marriage. Sometimes I would go in just for the worship and then bolt before the sermon. Please know I LOVE the church. But this year I needed a different type of church, and God has blessed me with a small home church led by an incredible couple that has walked through the fire in their marriage. We are sort of like the “island of misfit toys” in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. For the most part we are in a similar season of life, but have weathered some really heavy storms. And we dive into scripture and we go deep, and we REALLY look at how Jesus did life. I have learned to transcend from the “right and wrong” of my disappointments, to the “mercy and grace” that allows me to heal the hurt, and redefine relationships that needed redefined. I am so grateful God provided the perfect church solution for me in this season.

Lesson Five—God’s timing does not always make sense to our finite minds. As I write this, our family home has been on the market for over a year. I just don’t understand why it hasn’t sold. (And PLEASE don’t tell me because it’s priced too high—I hear that from my dad all the time!)   But I have to trust there is a reason to the timing that right now I don’t see. Memorial Day my dad took a bad fall and broke three ribs. Bam! The loss of my brother is magnified—I want to pick up the phone and tell him how dad’s doing. But it’s just me, and it honestly sucks to not have a sibling, or a husband to lean on. (Sorry Mom, I know you hate the word “sucks”.) My beloved Aunt Marge is dying and I want to scream—really God? I don’t WANT to bury another beloved family member this soon. Work has been so crazy, and though I love my job, there are days like today when I have to duck in a private room to have a little cry before I can face one more project. So as much as I’d like to take more control over the timing, I’ve learned more than ever this year, that’s just not going to happen. So I must keep trusting the One who’s got it under control.

So enough lessons for one year, let’s focus on this Platinum birthday of mine. I’ll keep this short, but here are some of my wishes for this year:

• Become a grandmother, specifically a Nana (my chosen grandma name). And it’s about to happen–seriously any day! Baby Boy Darr will be making an entrance in Colombia, Missouri. And I will go visit in July! I am beyond excited to take on this new role!  And I love that God saw fit to make this happen now.
• Travel to Italy—Ali is studying abroad next year and I told her the only way she could go, is if I could come at the end of the semester and travel with her. I can’t wait to take in this beautiful country with her and make wonderful memories.
• Keep investing in friendships. Remember lesson two? Can’t ever stop—need to keep sowing good seed in both the old and the new friendships.
• Continue to seek healing for my heart. I feel I’ve only begun to process the pain of my divorce. I want to be intentional in seeking wise counsel to understand the depth of the hurt and learn from my mistakes. And I hope I can help others as they walk this tough road.
• Be as much a part of my children and nieces and nephews lives as humanly possible (though at the moment none of them live near me). They are my biggest joy, my hope for the future, and I’m so incredibly proud of each of them. When I am feeling sorry for myself, all I have to do is remember the blessing that each of them is to me.

Thanks for taking the time to share in my Platinum Birthday Blog! Let’s eat cake!